y0uenviime
daughterslove's Cancer Blog
October 10, 2008
weezie thank you are so kind..as well as everyone else on here. i was really upset at that momenet, yes i feel like it is my breaking point with stress. but she saw the ENT and she still has MRSA in her ear, which she cant even hear out of anymore b.c of radiation. & the oral thrush is back. it’s just never enough. shes suffering pretty bad, but is it selfish to still want her? and still want to fight? i was reading posts on other peoples pages & heard a lot of people saying its not cancer that kills, its the fight, its how u feel, how u recover..is it true? i’m so scared still and i have nobody to talk to. im gonna explode
Thanks for your support -
I don’t have many answers. I can’t make this all go away. But I can listen. I can pray. If either of those will help lesson this burden.
rigidridr@yahoo.com
send me an e-mail and I will wend you a cell number.
You are doing so much more than you know. If no one has said it I will, “We who are surviving are proud of you and thankful for you.”
Mac
Thinking about and send love .
sherri
Keep up your amazing love…........
You may also e-mail me @ anytime if you need to vent, or for any reason at all. Bhappy4ever6@aol.com
Patty
Dear,dear daughterslove,
I congratulate you. Even though you were so upset when your dad called about your mom, you took control and called your Aunt who rushed right over to your mom’s and I assume mom agreed and she went to the hospital or got some medical help and a diagnosis. It wasn’t the cancer. That is a relief. You didn’t go to pieces; you felt out of control, but you weren’t. You did what you had to do out of love for your mom, and you need to congratulate yourself over that. You got your mom some help. Yeah!
In therapy they told us that if we were so angry or sad or whatever and about to explode, get a pillow and start hitting it and letting our feelings out. Sounds stupid, but I did it and I felt better.
No, it is not wrong to want your mother to live. I think your mother wants to live too or she wouldn’t have gotten medical help yesterday. So keep on fighting and praying for her. You’re not alone. My Cell phone No. is 206-450-9044 if you want to talk instead of exploding.
sweete2 better known as Ethel Craven-Sweet
Dear Rachel; See how many friends you have here. Now they are giving you their personal email addresses, phone numbers and I will add mine to the list. weeziefell@sympatico.ca if you ever want a personal chat. It sounds like the medical people have these dreadful side effects sort of under control. Would like to know what MRSA is? If you could find a small group that you could join, somewhere in your area, you might find it quite helpful. Sometimes listening to other people’s situations that could be similar to yours, helps you define but also confirms that you really aren’t alone. It no doubt feels like that because of the helpless feelings it gives us watching a loved one in pain. It is the nature of the disease that confirms just how awful and how many it affects. We do our best as children to our parents, knowing they love us and we back to them. I think it’s just the very thought of losing a parent that makes us so scared. I sure know about that, I was only 19 when my Mom passed away. She was battling cancer for 6 years to which I saw more than the average teenager. I too felt alone. I used to write poetry in a book just to put my feelings on paper. That helped a lot. I had great friends, and my Mom’s friends were wonderful too. Take part in all those around you who want to help. They too are having hard times with this, and that is when you rally together to help each other. Your Mom would want atleast that much for you. Take care. I am off to unthaw my Turkey for our Thanksgiving. Can hardly wait for all the trimmings, my home made gravy, cauliflower with cheese sauce, mashed potatoes with sour cream and cream cheese. Sound fattening enough? I won’t even tell you about dessert. Our official Thanksgiving falls this Monday. The stock market has been crashing so wildly all week, I might be considering this as THE LAST SUPPER. ha…..
Take care.
Weezie
Rachel,
Sweetie, do you have some friends, or your aunt, that you could talk with? My cancer center has a social worker that they provide for the patients and/or their family members for free. Your insurance might have counseling services as a covered benefit. You must somehow, somewhere get support. It will help so much if you can talk this out. I know it is difficult to make yourself get help. A group as Weezie recommended would also be wonderful. None of us can go through this alone. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. We are all so concerned about you. You are carrying such a heavy load, impossible for anyone to carry alone. If you take care of yourself, you will be in a better place to help your mom. You know how when you fly in an airplane the flight attendants tell you to place the oxygen mask over your face before you place it on your children or those dependent on you? This is the same thing. Unless you are oxygenated yourself (and thus not passing out!) you can’t help anyone else. We are all here for you, and I hope you contacted Mac, Weezie, and/or Ethel. You can always contact me too at geejaylane@comcast.net. I have been telling everyone I talk with that we should all have daughters to care for us either in our old age, or if we become seriously ill. My 19 year old daughter is caring for me, my 21 year old son would mean well, but not be able to do an adequate job. Your mother is SO very lucky to have you and your profound love. You can never allow yourself to feel guilty about anything you didn’t do for your mom. You are doing all that can be done. Sometimes the cancer is stronger than any of us and our love. But what our love can do is make the journey easier by not having to make it alone. You and your mom are in my prayers. Gaile
weezie how was your thanksgiving??