daughterslove's Cancer Blog

October 4, 2008

scared of death Views: 415

well what i can really say, is that im thankful for all the comforting comments you all have been writing me. my mom is a total reck. the other night she went out drinking! i couldnt believe she would do something like that. she dosent need to be left alone. her husband is working nights and she so depressed that she went out. i couldn’t believe she managed to drink without it burning like hell. we anyway im real upset about the situation but everyone is telling me, shit rachel, i’d do the same. and i’m thinking..would you? or would you still have hope?? i mean we don’t know for sure if the spot on her liver is cancer or not. and they did find to mass’s on her breast. but we dont know if it’s cancer or not. before they even think about the breats they wanna check the liver. they said if her liver has cancer, theres not reason to worry about her breast. what to do ???? i cant even eat, i called out of work, im late on bills, all i can do is be sad. i tried being strong for these last 6months. i just want it to be over. my mom is soo scared of dying. i dont wanna lose her, i cant. i cant go on without her. i know it might sound stupid but thats how i really feel.

Posted on October 4, 2008 at 5:21:52 PM by Rachel ( Link to this post.

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4 comments)

Dear Rachel,

I am so sorry for the suffering both you and your mom are going through! I think cancer can be more difficult for the family members than for the ones who have it! It’s exhausting to have to be strong all the time. Are there some things you can ask others to help with so you can have a few minutes of rest each day? Can you ask a trusted friend to manage your bills for a little while? Can you ask friends to help with grocery shopping, laundry, etc? I know these things won’t help with the big issue of your Mom’s illness, but it may ease your mind a little so you don’t have to worry about every thing in your life and you can save your energy for the things that are most important right now.

Try not to worry about your Mom’s night out on the town. She’ll make the decisions she thinks is best for her and you’ll need to do the same for yourself. That’s the only way you can stay strong enough for this journey. I’ll be praying for you and your Mom.

Peace,
Kathy

Posted on October 5, 2008 at 7:12:34 AM by curlygirl

Hey there,
Having cancer is tough. It turns your whole world upside down and shakes it. Caring for someone who has cancer is also a rough road.

I understand that some of the decisions mom is making do not make sense to you and may even seem harmful, but don’t be to hard on her. She has cancer and she has all of you to worry about. Will she be okay? Will you be okay if anything happens to her? Parents not only have cancer, they have cancer and everything else they had before cancer.

Even moms need to escape now and then. A night out and a few cocktails may be the escape she needs now and then.

Let her know you love her. Give her a hug and be happy she is with you.

Mac

Posted on October 5, 2008 at 1:13:25 PM by rigidridr

Dear Rachael; You sound at the breaking point which is where you don’t want to be. I hope you don’t mind, but I strongly suggest you see your own Doctor for some help with this stress you are under. She/He will guide you through these tough times, as it is really impossible to do this alone. Your Mom is likely living with pain, but more importantly she is worrying about you. You have to save her from that by making sure she knows you will be alright. You need to get some help for yourself before you can help your Mom. This is no laughing matter. Just take a look at what you wrote here to us. You are in a panic mode, which is showing its’ head to your family. This is the time to step up and get help from others. I hope you listen.
Weezie

Posted on October 7, 2008 at 11:38:12 AM by weezie

Oh Rachel,

Everyone who wrote you is right. It is hard for you and your mom at this time. My son told me he prayed to God and said don’t take my mom from me now, we need her. I felt happy & sad at the same time.

But, I know that he and my other sons and daughter will be all right if I die, which I am not planning to do anytime soon. They, like me, are survivors and they can make it. Yes, you may be sad for awhile, but you will recover and you will survive if your mother dies (which she desperately needs to know) because YOU are a survivor and that is the way she raised you.

Start telling yourself that you don’t want your mother to die, but if she does, I will live on anyhow. You must live; your mother wants you to live; she wants to live and I pray that God will grant her life. Many are praying for her.

There is a higher power than us. Pray to that higher power (whom I choose to call God) for your mother to live. Talk to that higher power and tell it how much it means to you and that you are putting everything into its hands. That’s what I had to do and am still doing.

Also, in your fear, you are future tripping. In Al-Anon, I learned to say (but forgot until this morning) One Day at a time. Live for one day; this day. What can I do this day to help my mom and me. Can I just hug her and tell her my fears this day or can I just tell her how much I love her—this day.

Try living for 1 day, thinking just about today. Tomorrow is another day. Try not to think about tomorrow because when it comes, it will be today.

One day at a time. There is a song like that and I need to find it for myself so I can start living 1 day at a time and stop future-tripping myself. We only have 1 day at a time; let’s enjoy this one day. We don’t don’t know what tomorrow holds.

Please try to enjoy this 1 day today. You will feel better and so will your mom.

Much love, understanding, prayers and hugs to you.

Ethel Craven-Sweet better known as sweete2