daughterslove's Cancer Blog

June 22, 2008

back in the hospital

Views: 381

well mom got released on wed. she was hydrated, walking, laughing, did chemo, her meds we’re controlled and she wasnt high for once. i’m sick of it. i’m sick of having to deal with her drug habbits w/pills & her problems with her husband. i CAN deal with the cancer and helping her fight, but not all of this. she really made herself sick by taking this meds & also breaking them in half and taking an oxy. the doctors told her NOT to do that, it makes you more high and gives you a rush more then just taking 1 pill. shes scaring me and i feel so helpless like i can’t help her when i with her. i freak out when she starts getting sick all over. and i didnt think it would be like this b/c i’m a caregiver. i’m a CNA for living..dealing with this everyday. it’s so different b/c shes my mom. well when she was realeased and everything seemed to be going good she looked the best she’d looked in WEEKS. well when they released her they were responsible for her to get the feeding pump to feed her instead of the syringe (like we’ve been using) but never did. so we’re having a real hard time feeding her all this stuff and calories and HYDRATING her without this pump. she got sick and starting vomitting blood today. the doctors said she actually wasnt “vomitting” blood it was the bile burning her throat and it was burnig the cancer/lesions in there plus she has bliters- thats what was bleeding. it was a lot of blood. so their admitting her tonight. i know this sounds horrible but this treatment is torture and i really hope she stays in the hospital. i have so much more relife and know shes getting well taking care of. ina way..i feel selfish and like a failure b/c i can’t do it and i thought i could? i mean i am..but shes also gonna have a home health aide.

Posted on June 22, 2008 at 1:47:07 PM by Rachel ( back in the hospital, 0 comments)