daughterslove's Cancer Blog

June 14, 2008

only 18 treatments down and it's becoming brutal!

Views: 454

well i’ve been wanting to blog for the past week, but haven’t had the energy or the courage to write what we’ve been going through. the past week my mom has been abusing her oxy & zanex. shes been taking 2 or more zanex at once with 2oxys! she kept blacking out and waking back up. she couldn’t talk, or walk. one eye ball was going one way, the other one was going the other. i felt so hopeless and didn’t know what to do. shes been aruging with her husband and shes taking everything out on him. shes throwing stuff at him telling him she wants a divorce and telling me and everyone else she JUST wants to die. me & my aunt got her out of the house for a little bit and took a drive down to the beach. she was blacking out and i do not lie to you, she looked like a dead body flopping around in the backseat. her body was soo limb. so the next day i took her to radiation and i told her doctor on how shes abusing them and taking WAY too many at once & that i’m scared for her. he basically told me nows NOT the time to take any of her meds away from her. just to keep track of them and make sure shes NOT over doing it. he also told me back in the day they use to knock out cancer patients going through agressive treatment so they wouldnt remember these months. which makes sense. so yesterday was friday a double treament. we had to be there by 9am then had to go back at 3pm. i took her back to my place she kept throwing up in the car and outside the car. she was throwing up soo much mucus it made me sick. i had to pull over and we were BOTH throwing up! horrible. we’ve been doing good with the feeding tube, well not yesterday. yesterday every time i went to feed her she’d throw up or spit up and it’d come out of her tube. so yesterday she had nothing and i knew she was very dehydrated. shes very very weak. yesterday she started losing her hair and it’s coming out in clumps. so i called her husband last night and he told me he’d take her to the hospital. i mean its soo bad then when she takes a sip of water or whatever she chokes on it b.c its going down the wrong tube which i was worried it was going into her lungs. so 5am this morning he took her to the hospital and they noticed shes coughing up blood. they took a CBC count and it came back fine. and did 2 chest xrays which also came back find. when she talks or breathes u can actually hear all the mucus crackling in her chest. shes also losing her voice and the doctors said she might loose it for awhile pretty soon. this radiation is really starting to get to us and it’s starting to kick in. she told me that their trying to kill the cancer but instead she feels like this treatment is killing her. so to make a long story short, shes in the hospital they admitted her and hopfully these couple days that shes gonna be in there it’ll do her some good and give her energy and her strength back. her spirits are low. shes worried about me and how she doesnt have life insurance. i means he really feels like shes gonna die. i dont want her to. my head in spinning. im going crazy over here. please pray for us. we really need it! =(

Posted on June 14, 2008 at 9:01:56 AM by Rachel ( only 18 treatments down and it's becoming brutal!, 1 comment)

I am praying for you and mom! You are a wonderful daughter, you are showing a grace and faithfulness that brings tears to my eyes. God bless and keep you both.

Hugz
Mac

Posted on June 14, 2008 at 4:49:27 PM by rigidridr