y0uenviime
daughterslove's Cancer Blog
November 20, 2009
hey. how is everyone feeling these days? I just wanted to post in and say hi. tell you guys how i’m feeling and doing. I have my good days & bad. I had my daughter sept 25th at 10:37am. via csection. I had 3 surgeries during it. which wasn’t expected. ( from my csection 3 years before ) the doctors messed up on my insides & didnt put my bowels in the right place. They had to cut 3 ft of my intestines out! I feel much better, it was hell what i went through. i was in a lot of pain. i had tubes coming out of everywhere. My daughter is now 2 months old. she’s perfect. sometimes i wonder, if my mom is inside of her. (spiritually). i cry sometimes when i look at her, as she keeps getting older, it will only remind me on how long it’s been without my mom. I don’t feel her. I wish i did. Death is so crazy to me, and it scares me because it’s the “unknown” I’ve always believed in Heaven, but I know if she was there, somehow, someway, she would come to me. give me a sign, anything. when she passed, i cried and prayed every single day for a sign. 2 months later, still nothing. I miss her so much it’s unbelievable. It’s a pain like no other. Well i hope everyone is doing good, if u can write back to me. And i would really like to know why she hasn’t come to me? if anybody knows?
Congratulations on your baby! And It’s great to hear from you! Don’t lose your faith in God. Look at your baby. Your daughter is the miracle of life. Look at the birds, the trees, the ocean and this planet full of life around you. It didn’t magically happen. I didn’t believe in God for a long time. When parents died and i got cancer i rediscovered my faith. I was blessed with a new outlook on life, blessed to understand how precious life is, how precious time is, and blessed to know that we will all die.
I miss my mother and father terribly. When my Dad died he came to me in a couple of dreams a couple of months after his passing. He was younger and happier and I understood he was alright.
My Mom took many months to come to me in my dreams. I prayed that she was ok. Almost a year later she did appear in my dreams. She too was younger and happy. I woke up in tears.
Never lose heart! she is in you and with you always. You probably think about her more than ever. Remember and relive the lessons she taught you, catch yourself doing something she used to do or say.
Every night i read this prayer which gives me strength. I hope it will give you some as well.
God bless you!
Jacques
“Lord make me an instrument of Thy peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope, where there is darkness, light and where the is sadness, joy”
“Oh Divine Master, grant that I may no so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, and it is in pardoning, that we are pardoned and it is in dying, that we are born to eternal life.
— St. Francis of Assisi
Posted on hi, rachel. sounds like you have yourself a beautiful new daughter. congratulations and i am so glad all the pain with the delivery is now behind you. as far as your mom… i lost my mom many years ago when i was in my late teens. i cannot say the she has ever “come back” persay, but i somehow always know she is around me. i truly feel that she is just a prayer away. shortly after my cancer diagnosis i prayed and asked her to give me a sign if she still loved me and would be with me through all this cancer stuff. a few days later i was throwing away a pair of shoes i had worn out and there on the bottom of one of the shoes was a praying hands pin. stuck right in the bottom of the shoe. needless to say, i took it out of the shoe and now have it sitting on a coffee table in my den. i know it was her way of telling me she does still love me and that she is here with me. that just confirmed what i had always thought. your mom is around you…i truly believe that. i wish you peace and comfort in your life. enjoy what God has given you. keep the faith. debby
Posted on I’m so sorry about your mom. It must be the most awful thing…to loose your mother…the one that has been there for you through everything.
Looking for a sign…well, look at your baby’s eyes…she can’t talk yet, but perhaps your mom is watching you through her eyes. She is part of your baby. Sometimes the signs can be very subtle. There is no paranormal experience…just a feeling of love that washes over you when you are holding your child or a quiet time or hectic time. She is IN YOUR HEART and is continuing to love you. I truly believe that. Whether you have a dream or not…she is there…
Talk to her like she was there. Ask her questions you would normally have if she was still here.
But don’t just look in the past…you have so much now,,,here.
I don’t know you, but those are my thoughts. Hugs to you and your young ones.
Teresa
Posted on Dear Rachel; I totally understand how you feel. I lost my Mom when I was only 18 and I have never really recovered from her death. But I have managed to rid the pain and be grateful for the years she gave to me as a warm, loving friend and mother. I have had dreams, some not so nice and some that make me smile. She suffered a great deal and that has always stayed with me. I lost my Father and Stepmother and Aunt to Cancer as well. I have witnessed and cared for these people when I didn’t know how to but found a way to be there for them, whatever was needed at the time. I have learned that life is not fair, that we do not have control of events or death. We do have control of how we manage our own lives and that is the important lesson here. Your daughter is going to rely on you for the rest of her life and yours. You will need to be strong and loving. That is the sign and the lesson you have from your Mother. It should hold you well as you go day by day to help your daughter with all of her FIRSTS - crawl, step, word, school, graduation, job, wedding, birthing. You were given the gift of life and also the gift to have a child. This is your sign from your Mother. Be grateful that you have fond memories of her and try to pass on those qualities to your daughter. I’m sorry you feel so alone right now. Perhaps is is postpartum depression too. That can happen; you should seek councelling and advice from your Dr.
This is a time to be joyous, so try to find that new path. I send you prayers for recovery.
Posted on September 14, 2009
just wanted to inform everybody – my mother lost her battle. the cancer didnt kill her, but her being so sick, weak, & depressed did. she died on 9/13/09 at 10:15 am. i’m not taking this too well considering we were just going to the beach everyday in july and she was ‘healing’ and getting ‘better’ so i thought. she stopped breathing & the brought her back to life, but she couldnt breathe on her own and she was on life support. & also VERY brain dead. something she didnt want. we took her off yesterday morning. she breathed on her own for a hour & now shes gone. im not handling this well, im due to have my daughter 2 weeks & she PROMISED me she’d be there. im very sad, & i dont even know how i can go on without her.
Oh sweetie I am so sad to hear this news. I don’t even know how to tell you how sorry I am and I don’t know what to say to make your pain go away. Your mother promised to be there for the birth of your baby and if you believe in God and heaven, she will be right by your side and this I promise you.
hugs,
amy
Posted on Rachel—
I am so sorry to hear of your mom’s passing. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Martha
Posted on Rachel,
I am so very sorry for your loss, I hate what this disease does to lives. You are in my prayers and I believe just as Amy does, your Mom will be there.
She is now your guardian angel…
Blessings,
Teri
Posted on 
Posted on My prayers and my love are coming your way. God bless and keep you through this hard time.
Mac
Posted on Again Rachel, my deepest sorrow goes out for you. You were there for your Mom and were a great daughter to her. She will be with you along side you in everything you do. My Mother still is.
God bless you and all you did for her.
Love & Hugs
Jacques
My heart felt prayers for you and your family.
Hugs and love, Cheryl
Posted on Rachel,
I am very sorry about the loss of your mother. You were an incredible trooper for her and we all admire you. Your mother was a very lucky woman to have you.
God Bless
Anna
Posted on Hi im not a bloger cause im to young but i just wanted to say im soooooooooo very sorry for u. Im an 11 year old girl and im trying to find a way to help people with cancer feel more at home when ever there doing chemo or something like that. I read ur mothers story and this inspired me to ask people with cancer wat they would want wat they would want when they are in the hospital to make thaem feel more at home. I look up to u now for being strong about something like that ur my hero. o and before i log off i just want to say wat would u want to make u feel more at home in the hospital? Replie if u can Bod bless u
your blogger,
Carmen
PS God luck with ur baby u’ll be fine! And also ur mom will be there whatching u from heaven Hugs and loving from Carmen
Please accept my sincere condolences on the passing of your mother. I’m so sorry for your loss. I truly believe life is circular and don’t be surprised if you find the spirit of your mother in your new baby daughter. She primosed you she would be there for the birth. I firmly believe she will. I hope you find peace in this sadness.
Jill
Posted on My thoughts are with you during this painful time. I will pray that you find the strength to keep going as you heal.
With Love!
Posted on I am sooo very sorry. You have my heartfelt sympathy. It is so hard to lose the ones we love. I wish I could take the pain away.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Love and hugs,
Joyce In NC
Posted on I just saw your message. I am so sorry for your pain.
I do see my twin everytime I see a butterfly zoom me.. or find a dime (she loved dimes).
You will feel your mom wiht you and she will see your baby girl before you do and kiss her a good trip to earth. My grandpa died same day I had my third child. We named his middle name after him. I say they passed on heaven’s highway.
It does get better.. not fast like.. but does . I try hard to thnk if my twin could , she would tell me to be happy and rejoice in life not weep over her too much. I shake it off and smile and say HI to her in the air. (two years now)But grief is a form of love an almost tangible pain testifying of the love of that person we are missing. It is ok and it will lesson. GOOD LUCK to you and your little ones.
I am sorry that you lost your mother. It was so hard to see my mother deteriorating although she didn’t have cancer. She passed May 14, 1993 and it was not easy even though I knew she was sick. I cried often before and after she died. I know a little of your pain but not all of it.
I am glad she had a daughter like you to care for and about her. That is so important.
Please accept my apologies for this being late but I don’t have a computer that works right so I seldom use it. I use my guy’s when I am over his place which I am right now looking at my emails.
God bless you and your family in this painful time of loss.
Love, hugs and prayers,
sweete2 better known as Ethel Craven-Sweet, the very sweet one. smile
Posted on 
Thanks for your support - 
